I had been married about three months when I discovered my husband's addiction. I was on the computer looking up a site. I happened upon the history folder. What I saw was such a shock to me! There were all of these porn sites listed! I was horrified! I truly felt sick! I thought that surely there had been some kind of cruel mistake!

My husband was at work at the time so I waited on him to get home. I was furious, sad, hurt, shocked, frightened, sickened, and so many other emotions! How could the man I love do something like this?

I waited until he returned and presented what I had discovered to him. I guess deep down, I was hoping and praying that he would deny it! He didn't. He hung his head in shame and couldn't even look at me! He said that his habit had started long before we had met.

I told him that I would forgive him, but deep down I held so much resentment and hurt! My trust for him was gone! How could I ever trust him?

A couple of months passed and then the same scenario took place. I had thought that this was behind us, little did I know what a struggle this would become!

My husband is in recovery now. He still messes up. We are trying to work through this together! It is not easy! There are so many different emotions and I have run the gamit on them! At first, I thought that my husband just didn't desire me! I thought that I wasn't good enough for him or didn't please him enough! These were lies from the devil! My husband's problem has nothing to do with me! It took a long time for the Lord to make me understand that!

Each day that he doesn't look, is a day that we grow closer to each other! When he does look, it drives a wedge between us. I am working on my trust and he is trying to help me with that. It takes time! When trust has been broken, it takes time to rebuild it.

The world that we live in today, makes it very hard! Temptations are everywhere! Through the Lord's help, we are rebuilding our marriage!

It has been a long road with many ups and downs! The Lord has used this to let me minister to others! I am so thankful for that opportunity and I embrace it with open arms!